Monday, March 23, 2015

Fear and Trembling

I'd like to start off by saying that I had a great time at Midsouth Con 33 this past weekend. I was on some fun panels and met a lot of other authors. It was a much needed respite from something that's been shaking me up.

About a month ago, I found out that my dog, Ayden, has a tumor growing just behind his lung. I took him to an oncologist, though we were unable to determine if it is lung cancer or lymphoma. In either case, there was not much that they could do. He is around 13-14 years old. He has spent almost that entire time at my side. The diagnosis was, frankly, shocking in the worst way.

I had been making a lot of progress on my next novel, as well as some film projects. I was in a very productive mind set, and was very focused. Ayden's illness has stopped my creativity in its tracks. I have spent the past month at home with him, trying to make the most of our time together. Aside from going to work, I have barely left the house. Although I had another dog that died 4 years ago, Ayden's brother, this has hit me hard.

I spend most of my time right now just trying to keep my mind occupied. I try to stay busy with menial tasks that don't require me to think very much. Once my mind starts, it's hard to reel it back in. I have been on edge for weeks; full of anxiety, and snapping at my girlfriend for no reason.

I'm in a terrible state of mind right now, and I just can't focus enough to write. I have to be in a safe mental state to do it, and this is nowhere near that. Over the past few days, I have gotten a better grasp on the situation. I have to keep reminding myself that I have given Ayden, and my other dogs, a wonderful home for over a decade. All three were either strays or from similar terrible circumstances. I've done my best to protect him for this long. I am so sad that I can only try to make him comfortable for now.

In the meantime, I will have author interviews on Sundays. I have a number already scheduled to post, and more on the way. I really enjoy reading their answers and getting out of my own head for a while. I hope you guys are finding them as entertaining.

If things are a little quiet around the blog for a while, it's because I am busy with my baby boy. Any good vibes or positive thoughts you can send our way would be greatly appreciated.


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